Hopefully back to normal...

We have been so sick here this month. I hope when April ends the sickness will to. Dillon got sick right in the beginning of April and has been fighting it every since. Breanna and I followed. It has take 3 antibiotics and hopefully he will get better now. Turns out mine is just allergy's. It is so pretty in So Cal right now. Flowers are everywhere. However it with it and the dry air I have been so congested and just nasty. Spitting the sickest crap out. I hope it is better and I can get on with my life. I have not worked out since last Monday and it's freaking Sunday night. I feel like a cow even though I am technically down a pound.
On another note We had our halfway party and It was great. I met alot of great people off the ship and I just enjoy being around people who know the kinds of things I am going through and those women do more then anyone. We had such a good time. I wore my fancy earrings my wonderful husband sent me from Kagoshima Japan so of corse I had to dress up to match them and I felt like I looked really good. I just can't get over my new self and I am not sure what it will take for me to believe that it is actually me in those pics. I think I had just gotten so use to the idea of being heavy for so long that now it is hard for me to believe it. Even Steve was amazed at the pics and said it didn't look like me...in a good way lol.
Today we went to the beach with some friends and had such a good time. I bought a new bathing suit bottom and it was a freaking medium lol. Though I still think my hips are better left covered lol. So it is a skirt thing but still. I am hesitant to post it on here but if freaking everyone on the beach can see it why can't my followers? So here ya go.

I cannot even tell you how good this makes me feel.!

Hi Lisa:)
I don't know if you're still working on your book, but this lady is amazing!!!
Kristina has been working out very consistent almost every day with Summer and
me at Mission Bay and lost an amazing amount of weight since she joined Stroller
Strides. Her husband is deployed and won't recognize her when he comes back.
Not just the amazing weight loss also the energie gained...anyway...I don't know
if you are still looking for "great stories"...Kristina is one of my HEROS!!!
Sibylle

Even More Saturday..

So this weekend has been incredibly rough. I don't even know what to say about it really...it goes on forever and so much happened and yet so much didn't. I have been and still am an emotional wreck. I have been feeling very alone and stressed. It doesn't even matter now because tomorrow is another day and it is Easter and I will be celebrating with my babies and I know Dillon is gonna love cracking those eggs lol. I am probably gonna end up dying like 25 for only 1 kid who can really hunt lol. I have been thinking about my blog...it was originally supposed to be about my time in So Cal and all the amazing things I have seen. I was gonna post pics of everything...but it is hard carrying around 2 kids and camera and I have found I would much rather talk about my husband lol. I mean really almost every post has been about him lol. I wonder if he knows that...I wonder if he really knows how much I love him...anyway sidetracked once again...So maybe I should change the name of the blog to crazy obsessed love stricken married woman???? LOL You know you are truly over the top still in love with your husband when ppl start making fun of you for being the GOOD wife...LOL

Saturday

As we speak....Steve is in Thailand and Breanna is in bed sleeping off her sickness. I had to cancel her party again. It is sad. I also have not been able to workout because of it and I feel crummy. I have not been having a good couple of days and I am not feeling like these feelings inside will go away anytime soon. I am ready for some ME time I am in need of some ME time...where the only thing I have to worry about is myself and by god I will get it lol.

Steve wanted some new pics.

For comparison I added one form the day he left.

What I can't see is how I'm ever gonna love him more..but then I've said that before!

Then lyrics

I remember, trying not to stare the night that I first met you. You had me mesmerized.
And three weeks later in the front porch light, taking forty five minutes to kiss goodnight.
I hadn't told you yet, but I thought I loved you then.

Now you're my whole life, now you're my whole world. And I just can't believe, the way I feel about you girl.
Like a river meets the sea, stronger than it's ever been. We've come so far since that day.
And I thought I loved you then.

I remember, taking you back to right where I first met you. You were so surprised.
There people around but I didn't care. I got down on one knee right there.
And once again, I thought I loved you then.

Now you're my whole life, now you're my whole world. And I just can't believe, the way I feel about you girl.
Like a river meets the sea, stronger than it's ever been. We've come so far since that day.
And I thought I loved you then.

I can just see you, with a baby on the way. I can just see you, when your hair is turning grey.
What I can't see is how I'm ever going to love you more. But I've said that before.

Now you're my whole life, now you're my whole world. And I just can't believe the way I feel about you girl.
We'll look back someday, at this moment that we're in and I'll look at you and say, "And I thought I loved you then."
And I thought I loved you then.

Just rambling cause I have no one else to talk to...

This morning when I woke up I called Tiffany like I always do. Email is still down on the ship and I told her this and she goes on to tell me some stuff about North Korea. Now if you know me you know I do not watch the news. Not even the 5 O'clock news. If I find something out it means it is bad enough that it got relayed to me some how. I am just the type of person where the news really effects me. It is so depressing and yes I would rather stay ignorant in my little bubble and assume the world is ok. Judge if you want but it is how I want to live. Anyways... I could not help but go to foxnews.com and look for myself and it was bad. I have known about North Korea but there were several key words I found incredible alarming. Such as missile and space and threatens U.S. warships...shoot down the rocket...struck with..."thunderbolt of fire"!!!!!!
Those words right there...3 little words have... I have to admit it have had me in tears all day. Now I do not know where Steve is and I do not knwo what is going on and I honestly expect and email any minute saying your an idiot you should not have been upset. The only thing is I have been waiting for that email since yesterday and well I don't wanna say anymore but Steve keeps me up to date if he knows about email being down he tells me and he didn't and that has me concerned.
So in light of all of these things I have been playing the WHAT IF GAME all day. What if something happend? What if he never came home? What if I could never smell him again? What if i never felt his arms around me again, felt his eyes upon me, saw him play with our children, walk Breanna down the isle, teach Dillon to play T ball? and on and on and on all freaking day. Today was a busy day to I was gone almost all day doing errands and so it is not like all i did was sit around and dwell on this. I tried to get my mind off of it but it never happend nothign worked. I kept asking what i would do if this horrible thing happend. Where I would go, how I would react. Part of me said I would get in the car and just drive...The other part said I would lay in bed and weap until my heart gave in and withered away.
I imagined the conversation I would have with my mother. The whole time thinking she was thinking good cause now I would have money and have to come back to Jacksonville.
I cried in the car with the music up so the kids would not notice and be effected. As that is one of me and Steve's rules. We try not to show the kids us being upset about the deployment so they don't get upset for no reason.
I don't know it is sad. It is scary! I don't know how other branches wives do it. Just the thought of him being in danger had me this upset. I could not imagine if he was actually in danger everyday. I could not do that.
The whole point is...I love my husband...but that is not even close to how I really feel about him. You have always heard ppl say where is your better half...well Steve is my better half and without him I really don't think I could survive. He has changed my life more then I ever thought any man could...He is the only man who has been strong enough to hang around. Seeing as how I have and my family has repelled men since my birth! We have been together 6 years and I know I could not live without him. I am not one of those mushy teenagers where they later find out they didn't mean any of this. I have seen my life without Steve and I can not go back to that but without him constantly in my head and heart I know I eventually would. That very thought scares me. Steve and I have had our fare share of issues and things have not always been great and there were times when I thought I may not be in love with him but we stuck it out and now we are stronger and more in love and infatuated with each other then we have ever been before.
I don't know...I just can't stand not knowing I cannot stand hearing I have mail and it not being from him. i cannot stand him not knowing what I am doing today.
On another note...I blame Tiffany for this lol...I don't want to talk to my other friends about this cause their husbands are with my husband and I am not going ot push my craziness on them or give them any bad thoughts and will actually probably send them a message not to read this entry lol. UGGH IS IT OVER YET?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? I cannot take it...this BITES!

Feels like...

I am banging my head against a brick wall every second of every day screaming C'MON EMAIL! OMG I can not imagine dealing with this for long periods or if god forbid I was unable to talk to him forever...uggh You would think I would not be so dependent...I am pathetic.